In our everyday language, we tend to use a language that points the finger at people. "You make me so angry" or "You make me feel stupid" are just examples of some of the things we say to others when we don't feel things are going our way. These are examples of you language. Instead of taking responsibility for our own emotions, we blame the other person for making us the way we feel.  When we use this type of language, it tends to fuel the anger rather than extinguishing it. Others have influence over our thoughts and feelings but rarely are the direct causes. Julia Wood says, "Although how we interpret what others say may lead us to feel certain ways, we can't hold them responsible for our feelings."

On the other hand, I language is used when someone takes responsibility for their own feelings and emotions. Many times we want to blame the other person for making us the way we feel. We don't want to admit to ourselves that instead we have power over our emotions. When we change our you language to I language, it gives us the authority to control our emotions. "I yelled at her because I was frustrated", is taking the responsibility of the person's actions. I language also gives some more description to the situation which aids in solving the problem and getting to the root of the argument.